If Oprah has her own personal chef, you can bet your boots that the “Queen of TV” also has someone to keep the washing up to date for her and get the dusting done.
Over the past few years, I’ve read plenty of books on success and motivation, on setting and achieving goals, and on time management.
I’ve read books by Tony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Stephen Covey, Tim Ferriss, Zig Ziglar, Jack Canfield and David J Schwartz.
But do you know what they all have in common? Aside from the fact that they’re all highly successful authors and motivational speakers?
Yep. They’re all men!
Which I don’t begrudge them for a minute. I’ll be forever grateful for the great wisdom and experience that each of these men has shared and that I’ve been able to learn and gain inspiration from.
I read Tony Robbins’ book “Awaken the Giant Within
I listened to the audiobook version of Gary Vaynerchuk’s “Crush It“, and podcasts by Brian Tracy and Jim Rohn, while washing dishes, cleaning the bathroom and sweeping the floors.
I’ve been motivated by these great male mentors to dream big, and to believe that I can achieve any goal that I set my mind to.
But what I haven’t learned – and am really wishing right now that I had – is how to dream big and pursue my goals and still get the grocery shopping and the laundry done.
It’s not just men that don’t write about the harsh realities of housework either. Even successful women seem to gloss over or neglect to mention this basic reality of our lives as women and mothers.
Whether it’s because they’ve been able to successfully delegate it (or hire someone to do it for them), or simply because they prefer – understandably! – to write and speak about those things that they’re passionate about, it’s not easy to find examples of how successful women are able to keep up with the demands of family life.
Except for Flylady. I learned a lot about getting my housework under control from Flylady (aka Marla Cilley). And she’s obviously been able to create a successful business, while also keeping her house in order.
But Flylady doesn’t write about pursuing your dreams or being successful in your business pursuits.
And I must admit that I did calculate some years back that if I followed all of Flylady’s morning, afternoon and evening routines, along with 15 minutes of decluttering and Hot-Spot Fire Drills each day, it would take up something like 8 hours of my day. So I’m still not exactly sure how Marla does it all either!
Is it any wonder then, when it’s so difficult to find inspiring role models, that as women we can often battle with guilt and self-doubt about the pursuit of those dreams that are imprinted on our hearts?
When we have a family that needs our love and care, along with all the responsibilities that come with it, we can question whether it really is the right thing for us to dream big dreams, to have lofty goals, and to take the time to pursue those goals.
There’s no simple answer, and only you will know when the time is right for you to take the first steps of your own amazing journey.
I’ve waited a few years now for the time to be right for me, and I know it is. But I also need to know each step of the way that I’m doing the right thing by my family. I need to know that the washing will get done, the children fed, and the shopping done, even as I strive to use my gifts and talents to make my personal contribution to the lives of others.
I would love to see more women writing about how they’ve been able to achieve amazing things while also keeping their home life running smoothly.
For now, I’m finding inspiration from women like Katie Tallo, Tara Gentile and Annabel Candy, who have found their way to create amazing blogs and businesses while also taking care of their families. And I’m reading articles by successful business coaches Fabienne Fredrickson and Tara Sophia Mohr for a bit of additional inspiration.
What I’d really love is to hear any suggestions that you have of books, blogs and podcasts that will give inspiration and encouragement to those of us women and mothers who are determined to find a way to do it all! Let me know in the comments.
Well Brigid, first of all bravo! on a wonderful article and second, thank you for mentioning me amongst those who inspire you. I’m so glad I can and do. I know he’s a man, but Leo Babauta of Zen Habits offers simple advice on how to live, raise a family and have balance. He co-hosts a sister site called Zen Family Habits as well with Sheri Kruger that might offfer more specific help to moms in need of simplifying. I say, you don’t have to do it all. You kids just want love not a super clean house. Good for you for searching all your life for ways to evolve. I’ll have to dig into some of your recommendations, once I get the dishes done. 🙂
Hi Katie, Great that you mentioned Zen Habits and Zen Family Habits. I’ve been reading Leo’s Zen Habit’s blog for years now, and he’s right up there with Flylady when it comes to those who had the biggest influence when I most needed it!
I haven’t read much of Zen Family Habits myself, but notice that Sheri has some great articles there about decluttering, as well as family life and even some great recipes. Will definitely check that out and look through the archives there to see what inspiring gems I can find!
Don’t worry, Katie, if my kids ever came home to a super-clean house, they’d wonder where they were!!! I’d just love to be able to work out my routines again to include the time I want to spend blogging and working on my bookshop, so that I’m not just fitting in dishes, washing, grocery shopping or even writing “when there’s time” – that will never work!
Thanks so much for those great resources and for the encouragement and inspiration!
I used to wonder who did the laundry for the Huxtable family–they were all so nattily turned out,while there didn’t even seem to be a washing machine in that house. Their secret is they have a costume department. Where do I get one of those? Actually, the exterior of the house is in my neighborhood, and that interior would never fit inside that house, so we must learn never to look to TV for role models.
I’ve raised two kids and my best advice is; get all the help you can and never try to do it alone. My apartment building instituted a babysitting co-op, with poker chips representing hours and half hours to be used as payment.
Hi Barbara and welcome to The Inspired Notebook!
You’re right, they manage to make everything look very easy on TV. I’m with you on the costume department idea – wouldn’t that make life a whole lot simpler?!
That’s great advice, “get all the help you can”. My neighbour and I often help each other out with babysitting, which can make a big difference to what we both achieve in a day! A babysitting co-op in your building must’ve been a great help to those who need it.
Hi Brigid! I was poked hard by this post. Yeah, why mostly men? Is that to justify that behind their success is… LOL! What shame those “deceptions” of TV and movies about life being easy on women, particularly those at home. For a time, I felt like it’s expensive to stay as good looking and stress-free while making sure the family and home are in order! LOL!
But I grew up, knew better and come to accept this: most women needs to be dug deeper to get a better view of her person. But as my husband would tease me, “Hon, don’t make that an excuse to not look good.” I’d be bitching back, “Take that back or I’m taking a two-week-long vacation at your expense!” LOL! He’s mighty scared!
Anyways, I don’t have anything special to suggest. But I do hope that your readers will realize this: “We must plant our own garden, decorate our own soul… Instead of waiting for someone to bring us flowers.” It is important to tend to ourselves first so we can truly shine – as a person, mom, wife, friend, worker… In the end, the greatest love of all is that! So power up your womanhood, girls!
Hi Ruzanne, thanks so much for sharing your ideas and your own experience here.
I love what you say: “We must plant our own garden, decorate our own soul…” It’s so easy for women to put everyone else first, and not make time to care for and value ourselves. I would literally like to plant a garden full of roses – to decorate both my house AND my soul – but just never get around to it. Everything else seems to be more important at the time.
This is a great reminder that it’s not all about housework and business goals!!
Hi Brigid, My wife has gone through some very similar thoughts. She decided to take the years while our kids were young and stay home with them. Many people (men especially) think of stay-at-home-moms as just sitting around reading Twilight and watching Dr. Phil (or Oprah). But I have taken my time as a stay-at-home-dad on a few occasions and I can honestly attest that you do not have time to do that at all. Good call on this post!
Bryan, I remember back to when our kids were young and wondering how on earth anyone could work even part-time with kids at home. You’re right, it’s hard work, and there’s always something needing to be done. There’s definitely no such thing as “Ladies of Leisure”, as some men (even women too!) seem to think women at home are!
Even now, as the kids are growing up and able to do so much more for themselves, there’s still a whole lot of housework that just can’t be avoided, as much as I’d like to be spending more time working on my business ideas. I’m sure there’s a way that it can all be done, but it could take me a while to figure it out!!
I had to chuckle at this entry. Yesterday I visited my Dad. He is 83 and his wife, my step mother is in hospital. When I arrived he was in the garden. He stopped and we had a cup of coffee and I asked how he was getting on seeing his wife was in hospital and he confessed that HE HATES HOUSEWORK. He is getting it done and cooking meals, but, he explained that working in the garden might be harder physically but is more rewarding.
Maybe it takes men 83 years to work out what women know innately!!!!!
Clara, Welcome to the Inspired Notebook and thanks so much for your wonderful comment!
I can imagine it must be something of a shock to your Dad to suddenly be totally responsible for both the cooking and the housework. I don’t blame him one bit for escaping to the garden!
There are definitely so many more interesting, exciting and rewarding things to do besides housework. I might have to delegate more of it to the men in the family so that they become more sympathetic to my dilemma at an earlier age!!