I wish I could write as beautifully as an exhausted Katie Tallo does when I’m having a bad day!
Instead, I’ve had so many days lately where I start and I stop, I start again, I stop again… and I feel overwhelmed with frustration that I just don’t seem to be getting anywhere.
I feel like my blog is in limbo – and even worse, like I’m in limbo.
I’m spinning my wheels, struggling to gain traction.
And if the clutter that’s beginning to pile up around the house is any indication, it’s not just that I’m not moving forward. I’m starting to go backwards at a worrying speed!
It’s not really about the piles of paper though, or the stacks of books waiting to be put away, or the laundry that’s building up (or even the kilos that are starting to creep on despite my best intentions to get back to a much healthier diet).
Those things are just a reflection of the internal clutter that I’ve allowed to build up, mental and emotional clutter that I haven’t taken the time to sort through or to discard.
I’ve tried to write my way out of my mental clutter. But I haven’t had time to write the many pages I’m sure I’ll need to get to the heart of what the problem really is.
I was so sure of myself last year. So sure that I had all the time I needed to really pursue my dreams this year. So sure that I would have hours each week to dedicate to establishing my blog and bookshop.
I think I underestimated the power that fear and self-doubt would have if ever they reared their ugly heads.
And overestimated my own determination and strength!
My life is so busy at the moment. But I’m starting to see that I’ve let it become busy. I’ve said “Yes” to so many things that I now feel I don’t have time for my own dreams.
For whatever reason – although most likely, to disguise my fear and self-doubt – I’ve allowed my life to become so cluttered that there’s no longer time for the things that are important to me.
And my spark has almost gone out again.
Almost. But not quite.
Because when I get back to thinking about my plans for this blog and my bookshop, I feel the spark begin to ignite again. And I know that all will be well.
I want The Inspired Notebook to be a place where I can inspire and encourage you to live your own dreams, a place where I can share with you great books, blogs and other resources to guide and help you along the way.
While I’m continuing to work at that, I have a bit of my own clutter to sort out. And that’s definitely something worth making time for!
So I’ll be the one this week with pen in hand, pouring my heart out onto the pages of my notebook. Occasionally stopping to clear a pile of books or papers. Getting myself back on track!
Brigid
What about you? How do you deal with the mental and emotional clutter? What do you do to get back on track when the clutter threatens to overwhelm you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share what’s on your mind by clicking on “comments” at the top of this post.
Dear Brigid, oh how I’ve been where you are and oh how I shall return there. That place of fear and self doubt, that place of overwhelm and futility and yet, that place where the spark still flickers. You are healing yourself and loving yourself by moving gently towards wellness, by writing, by using the cleanse to guide your explorations, by finding the time for you. You already know what you need and likely why you are avoiding taking that time. You’re ready and that is a very empowered and honest place to be. Thank you for sharing and for inspiring me by exposing with such vulnerability your very human struggles. I share them too. Much love to you on your journey, Brigid. It is unfolding just as it needs to. Hold those dreams in your mind and heart and they will happen. xo
Katie, Thankyou so much for visiting The Inspired Notebook, and for your beautiful words of encouragement. I’m reassured by the fact that you’ve also experienced fear and self-doubt on your own journey, as I’m so inspired by all that you’re doing at Momentum Gathering.
Already, my commitment to doing your Life Cleanse has had me changing my perception of the time that I have and how I choose to use it. I’m looking forward to where it will take me over the next seven weeks!
Thanks again for being here, and for your gentle, wise and compassionate words.
I can so identify with the concept of mental clutter. I recommend a mini sabbatical, if possible. Just one overnight of peace, somewhere other than home, away from all the usual routine can work absolute wonders. What do you say Brigid?
Alison, the idea of a mini sabbatical sounds so good! Right now I’m making do with a half hour walk a few times a week and the quiet moments when I’m writing. I have to say that I’ve managed to find a few additional peaceful moments this week, since starting Katie’s Life Cleanse. It’s definitely helping me to be much more conscious of making time for myself, but I still have a long way to go to clear the mental clutter. I do love the sound of spending a peaceful night away. Will have to think about how I might be able to make that happen!
Hi Brigid, thanks for sharing your heart. I understand how you feel. I recently returned to work in church ministry and recently joined the staff of a large church in the midwest, where I am fulfilled during the day but drained of writing energy at night. My blog has suffered as I don’t have near the time to put into it that I did before. It can be very draining. But you have a lot to say, so don’t push away the methods that you use to say it. Keep at it! You’ll get there!
Bryan, Thanks for taking the time to comment! Sounds like you’re very busy now with the church work and keeping up your blog.
For what it’s worth, I hadn’t noticed that your blog has suffered, and have really been enjoying reading the great posts you’re sharing there.
I appreciate your encouragement, and will definitely keep at it. Am determined to make it work!
Hi Brigid,
I really enjoyed your post. Simple living – this is what I aspire to. And for, that means decluttering your mind and space, among other things. If I were living in a vaccum, sure, it would be snappy. Fortunately, (I didn’t say un -), my beautiful boys share my life. And boys are messy right? My 7 year old, when he gets to some mischief, declares, MY BRAIN MADE ME DO THAT. Not joking, our response, YOU need to be in control of your brain, not the other way round.. wish it was as easy. 🙂
I have left you msgs on A lister’s board as well. I am really glad we met. 🙂
Hi Marya, Welcome to The Inspired Notebook. Great to have you here!
Simple living is a great thing to aspire to. You’re right about it not being easy when you have kids though – although it definitely gets a bit easier as they get older.
Sounds like a bit of fun at your place with your 7 year old. At least he’s almost taking responsibility, not blaming his brother!!
Look forward to hearing more about your adventures and pursuit of simple living!